Dos and Dont before Marriage (For Girls)

Basic Facts

1. NEVER sleep with the boyfriend you feel is made for you (i.e the one who you will ultimately marry) before marriage.Guys very often lose interest in a girl once this step is made. This is in fact a common mistake which more and more girls do make before marriage. When going out with a guy allow yourself some time to assess the degree of seriousness of the relation especially when you start to have strong feeling for a guy who might just be there to use you.
2. However simple this may seem to be, the second thing to bear in mind is that the perfect man does not exist and the idea is to find the most suitable guy.
3. In relationships, most guys think with their mind while girls go through their heart to take decisions. This stereotype, so true, has several implications including misunderstandings in the couple.
4. Do not be glued to your boyfriend or raise doubts unnecessarily against him especially if you do not have a clear cut and tangible evidence. He may backpedal especially when he is not at fault. Though girls do seek to have some form of control over their boyfriend, men think differently and do not always show how attached they are until and unless they are sure to go till the end. Therefore girls should be patient on this count.
5. Guys do not enjoy to be pestered every now and then but girls require attention and receiving a text or two as a minimum is  a way to show that they are being cared for. In fact, girls place much more importance on the regular attention than one off very expensive gifts, trips or whatever major expenditure.

Experience counts

Prior to marriage, many a man do not feel bonded and very rarely they limit themselves to one option. This is a sad but unfortunate truth. Of course, the 'many a man' does not mean that all men are the same. There are exceptions. It has to be underlined here that the degree to which a guy feels bonded to a girl will depend to a large extent on his previous relationships. If the guy is only at his first, second or third relationship, he is vulnerable and may find himself being manipulated if he is not careful. The same applies for a girl who is new to the love and affair game. Going out with someone who is much more mature than yourself in relationships has both inherent advantages and risks which have to be considered carefully.

If he/she says I love you does not necessarily mean he/she really loves you

The concept of love is difficult to define. Most of the times couples just break up as the partners simply realise that what they thought was love, was in the end only infatuation. When a guy tells you he is in love with you, he has to be able to say it to you while looking at you in your eyes. Depending on good a liar the guy is, even while looking at you in your eyes, he may be lying. Otherwise, this would have another meaning that he wants you which is a totally different story. Depending on the relationship you are looking for, this may be fine with you as well. In some cases, girls replace the guy especially when the guy is somewhat unexperienced. Take your time to know a guy/girl before going any further ahead.

Before versus After marriage

At times, prior to marriage, girls, like guys, have relationships. However, there is a major difference between the two as guys easily draw the line as to the seriousness of the relationship, while girls, for most of them, tend to grow in expectations. This as well needs to be interpreted on a case to case basis but has to be pointed out because the real loser here is the girl.  The power game will depend on many factors with respect to what extent each partner is dependent on the other.

Conflict management

Guys very rarely admit being at fault as they tend to rationalize everything. Depending on the character of your partner, it is advisable to discuss issues in very subtle ways and not go unnecessarily for wars. Girls nowadays as well do tend to rationalize, though and this can lead to better understanding at times. If you have issues with a guy, you should discuss them with him.

If the partner refuses to discuss either he is sure of what he is doing or he is totally at fault and does not want to concede defeat. If you are convinced that you should discuss something with your boyfriend and that he is constantly avoiding you, this means that in his eyes there is no need to discuss or he does not care at all about what you think. These are 50/50 situations that should be carefully analysed prior to coming to any conclusion.

Quit if you have doubts

If you get to learn that your boyfriend is cheating on you or that you have strong doubts about him, better ask for a break or just put a full stop to the relationship. As soon as doubts crop up in your mind (be it boy or girl), it is the beginning of the end.This will avoid frustrations if ultimately you do get married. In fact, guys as well are jealous and possessive. If they are having an affair with a girl or more, they will still feel mad about being cheated by what can be called ‘the main partner’.

After some time in a relationship, men tend to detach. They ask themselves whether they are making the right choice, they think of all the alternatives foregone, of all the freedom they had before and assess whether the relationship weighs more or not. This is a difficult period in the relationship as the guy remains aloof and at times disappears. This is not a systematic and general issue but may happen in some cases.

Prior to marriage, there are big promises from both sides and concessions are easily made. However, after marriage, this rosy relationship just disappears and concessions are very difficultly agreed upon. Furthermore, living together is a totally different paradigm which has to be factored in prior to going for marriage.

Distance as a relationship destroyer

This is not something specific to relationships prior to marriage but also occurs during marriage. As far as possible, long distance relationships are to be avoided. The risks, uncertainties, constraints and costs associated are as a general rule very rarely worth the bargain. Married couples find themselves in very difficult situations due to the fact that one partner find himself/or herself working abroad but when it comes to serious relationships before getting married, at times, while keeping in touch, it is better to agree, in principle that there is no binding agreement as regards the behaviour of each partner. Many guys if at 20000km  away from their beloved in a country abroad will not feel much regret in going out with another woman when abroad. Agreeing that there is no rule and that the relationship is on hold during his absence is a relatively good deal for the girl as, if a girl is deeply in love, she will trust beyond any doubt her partner. The reverse is not always true. Some guys may be thinking that their partner is cheating them in their absence and then just do the worst of things without any remorse or second thought. Again here, this is only a scenario which only the partners can figure out its validity.Nevertheless, a high probability of separation due to distance is there and cannot be overlooked. Generally speaking, such long distance relationships are not advisable particularly for extended periods (>2 years).

The last piece of advice 

Relationships are done, undone and at times done over again. Heartbreaks happen everyday but help in shaping the character of a person and preparing him/her for better and more mature relations. If you are not sure that the person really and sincerely loves you, you should play safe, especially when you sense that you are vulnerable. It is more easily said than done but one should not invest oneself totally in a relationship that very probably would ultimately end up in a break.

Major exceptions to the above rules

More and more girls are no longer the happy in playing the second fiddle to the man. They want to lead and work in higher positions, which is legitimate and in line with the trends across the globe. Such girls occupying higher positions tend to have the upperhand in their relationships and have more bargaining power as they are totally independent from the boy. At times, where the boy is weak, he is simply the ‘yes man’ ready to do whatever his girlfriend asks him to.

Last words

After reading all this, you will surely be saying to yourself that most of it is not valid in your case, that these are mere stereotypes already known to all but these are just generalities which have been observed quite a few times. If your situation is different and that your relationship is all fine, may it continue for years and years!

Courtesy: Articlebase

The Real Meaning of Marriage – Truths You Must Know to Make Your Marriage a Success

Happy Couple

There is no gain saying the fact that the institution of marriage is God's initiative to cater for the totality of human's life – physical, emotional psychological and spiritual. However a survey of marred world shows that this institution has been thoroughly messed up that why I have taken time to bring you to light of the real meaning and acceptable norms in marriage.
Marriage is the union of one man and one woman who are bond together by love. Their hearts beat as one, they move upward, onward and Godward. Honesty, kindness, sincerity, integrity, dignity and love are foundational structures of marriages.
For your marriage to succeed, you must have a self concept which is the sum total of your self image, self esteem and self idea. Never go into marital relationship on a force premise. It is not true marriage when someone marries because of the other person's money, social status, to boost ego or even of a married name. This indicates lack of true love, honesty and sincerity; such a union is a slam, a masquerade and a force.

One truth you must know in life is that love is what love does. If your own love is doing something else, it is false love not real love. One who loves his or her partner does not do anything unloving or unkind in action, word or manner to his or her partner.
Ignorance of the real meaning and truths on marriage is the cause of all marital unhappiness. Cease trying to make another person a second edition of yourself; but help him/her be the best. Never try to make your spouse over. There is no one to change but yourself. There must be mutual freedom, respect and love in your partner.

Marriage success starts from the mind even before you go into it because you cannot feature in a feature that you cannot picture. You must be mutually developed to have a successful marital relationship. You must build into your mentality the mental equivalent of what you want in your marriage and union. If you want to attract honest, sincere, caring and loving person you must be honest, sincere, caring and loving yourself. Life is about sowing and reaping, you must invest to harvest.

The success of your marriage lies in your own hand. You must pay the price to get the prize which is favorable marital circumstances. Your head, heart and hands must be involved to make your marriage work and remember the heart is the chalice of love. The best time to avoid divorce is before marriage; look before you jump into a marital union. Prepare, package yourself and be positive and surely your better half will come and tie the knot with you.

Courtesy: Articlebase

10 Things Women Hate About Men

Things Women Hate about their Men

Be it a wet towel on the bed or making disparaging comments about your TV habits, your man knows very well how to get on your nerves, isn't it? But you are not the only one, as there are some standard habits men have that annoy women to the core. Christina Hopkinson, author of the book 'The Pile Of Stuff At The Bottom Of The Stairs', tells you the top ten things that women hate about men.

Disparaging comments about our TV habits 
 
OK, so nobody ever claimed that the Sky Living channel was great art, but is a televisual diet of America's Next Top Model and repeats of Grey's Anatomy really so much worse than watching endless sports programmes?

Yes, it's true that all reality talent shows are almost identical but it could also be argued that a nil-all result in the Premiership doesn't exactly rival Shakespeare for drama.

Women believe that the size of your TV is in inverse proportion to the size of your brain, while their men seem to think that some other screen-size/body part correlation is going on and so opt for the full-on Odeon surround-sound experience. 


The surprisingly wiry 'wireless' home 
 
One mobile phone, one charger-it's all you need. But no, he has wires crawling round the house like vines. Then are the drawers full of old cables that look like nests of vipers. Some of them are for his first Nokia, bought circa 1995.

These phone, camera and computer chargers have joined old keys as things we can no longer throw away for fear that the moment we do so, we'll discover a need to use them. 


Selective greenness 
 
We all try to do our bit for the environment, but there seems to be some disagreement about what 'bits' to do. Yes, he's right that cut flowers flown from Kenya are an eco-disgrace-but they are rather lovely.

And yes, clothes can be air-dried, but it's just so much more convenient - and they feel nicer - if you use the tumble dryer. 

Leaving pans 'to soak' 
 
Washing up means doing everything-including saucepans. But he always leaves them on the side, or marginally better, he puts some tepid water in them 'to soak', thus divesting him of all responsibility of actually dealing with the burnt-on food that's clinging to them like Araldite. 


Culinary grandstanding 
 
Guests coo over his fancy ways with a flavored oil, but the boring rehashing, reheating and pureeing always gets left to me. 


Stacks of coins everywhere 
 
There's a stack of money on the chest of drawers and a hillock of tuppenny bits next to the unpaid bills on the sideboard. We know it's because you need to empty your pockets of it since you don't carry a purse, but perhaps it's time to tidy up and get a man-bag. 



Saying we've run out of something after it's actually run out 
 
"We're out of cornflakes/sugar/bread" said in an offensively accusatory way, as he empties the last of it onto his plate. Always with the subtitle running below it of: 'Can you go out and buy it, I'm far too busy.' This is closely allied to the habit of putting empty food receptacles back into the cupboard or fridge, especially milk bottles. 


Childcare cherry-picking 
 
Doesn't he ever realise that if he stood on the mat after a shower then the bathroom floor wouldn't be permanently pockmarked with puddles?

One of the undoubted advances of the modern world is that fathers are much more hands-on with their children. Sadly, he hasn't realised that looking after children is not just parks, pools and zoos - it's also wiping, washing and cleaning. You can't just pick off the best stuff, leaving us to do the grunge. 


Wet towels 
 
Doesn't he ever realise that if he stood on the mat after a shower then the bathroom floor wouldn't be permanently pockmarked with puddles? But then these provide useful watering holes for the towels to marinate in when he doesn't hang them back on the rail. Actually that's not fair, he doesn't always leave the towels on the floor, sometimes he leaves them on the bed. Or, after swimming, to mould and fester in the plastic bag that he's used to carry his kit in. 


The pile of stuff at the bottom of the stairs 
 
Even those who live in flats without stairs seem to have a problem with these piles. Those shoes, books and clothes, those empty wine glasses and old magazines, those toys and towels - they're not there for decorative reasons. It's like a conveyor belt for possessions, you see, except that like with all his irritating habits, there's always someone else to sort out the pile for him. 


Courtesy: TOI

When partying at workplace

Partying at workplace

Parties at the workplace can be a tricky area to navigate. We've always been told not to mix our office lives with the afterhours fun. But falling into the grey area between work and play are office parties. It is important to be seen at office parties, even if only for some time. Don't show up and you could be seen as a spoilsport and uptight. Besides, you may miss out on an excellent opportunity to network!

Time it right

Your office is organising a party on Friday night. You can think of a million better ways to spend that time. So, how important is it to attend the party? Very important. Tempting as it may be to feign illness or other commitments, the loss will be only your own. Office parties are a chance to network and bond with others from the organisation. As we all know, knowing the right people is critical to organisational growth today.

Networking wise

Speak to different people, especially those from departments other than your own. This is perhaps the best chance to get to know some of your colleagues in a causal, relaxed setting. Make an effort to speak to spouses of colleagues. An office party is one of the few occasions when people let their guard down at the workplace and are willing to mingle and joke about. The entire mood is light and laidback. The usual office rules don't apply and everyday dynamics are suspended. Speak to new people; don't stick to the colleagues you already know well. Try to strike up a good conversation with your superiors as well.

Avoid excesses

Stick within generally accepted limits of decency and appropriateness. Avoid excesses - alcohol or food. While the open bar and delicious buffet line may be extremely tempting, control your urges. It is also not okay to dance on the table, however well you may dance. While you may be remembered as the star of the party, it may prevent the management from taking you seriously in the future. Remember, you are always being watched. You are in the same room as the senior management and your boss' boss. Have fun, but be level headed about it. A good workplace reputation is built slowly and steadily over time but easily destroyed.

Conversation capers

Don't forget the best way to strike up a conversation - making eye contact with the person and smiling. The usual rules of conversational etiquette apply here too. Stay clear of controversial areas like religion, politics and gender. While humour always works, jokes that may be offensive should also be avoided. When I first started working and going for office parties, I was always unsure what to talk about, especially since I was so junior. I then hit upon the secret to any successful office party conversation: ask the right questions and let the other person talk. Everyone likes an interested audience!

Extend the conversation beyond office work and current deadlines. Talk about common interests and passions like sports, music or movies. Once you establish some sort of common ground, you will always have something to share with that colleague even during the everyday office routine.

Dressing diaries

Dressing for an office party is often a sticky question. You don't want to look underdressed, nor do you want to be the office Christmas tree. Collaborate with a few other colleagues, so you all dress to a similar level. Avoid jarring colours or designs that expose too much skin. Make an effort to dress up and look nice. The entire point of an office party is to get noticed. Ask yourself, would your CEO be more likely to chat with a well-presented employee or one who is shabby and indifferent?

An office party can be a great time to further relationships at the workplace. If used wisely to connect with the right people, it may the best thing that ever happened to your career.

Courtesy: Hindustan Times

Can colleagues be friends?

Friends at Office

Your best friend has got a new job and now he is your teammate at work. But wait is it really a reason to rejoice? It is often said that when you mix your personal and professional life, things get a little difficult to handle. So, can your workplace attract fair weather friends? Or will the political undercurrents run it down? 

It's a little tricky situation as at one point of time you are treading on delicate ground, and in the other you are like soul mates. When friends become colleagues, many often tend to mix up the two. That's where they go wrong. If you have had a heated argument at work, leave it inside the four walls of your office. Don't let it affect your personal relationship with the person.

I had a friend in my subordinate. My ideas and thoughts never matched. I wasn't even satisfied with the way he executed his work and this led to a lot of arguments and fights. Also, he never considered me as his boss so didn't take my orders seriously which again would lead to a tilt. But once we were out of office we made sure we didn't carry the differences back home.

Many feel that making friends at office will make the work life enjoyable. Making friends at office for me is very important. It helps me perform better as the atmosphere is very clam and less stressful with people who know and understand you. Bad relationships with colleagues hamper your work and can turn a workplace into a nightmare. Of course you cannot get along with everyone at work and there will be an occasional prickly co-worker, but there's little you can do about that.


It is easy to end up as friends in an office set up. Most people do not wish to mix their professional and personal life. It's surprising for me as colleagues are the people with whom you spend the maximum time. So, how can you not turn them into your confidantes?

The reason is cut-throat competition. We are in such a competitive atmosphere that we find it really risky to be friends with someone from our own team. Sharing my personal details or even what I am going through professionally I feel might be used against me. So I consider it 'safe' not to have colleagues as friends but I do not mind making friends with people from other teams. Earlier in my professional life I have faced instances where a friend turned foe. Jealousy and nasty behaviour made our relationship sour. So now I make friends at work provided we are from different teams as misunderstandings are inevitable. There is little you can do about frenemies. Whether it's your friend who is now your colleague or vice versa, one needs to be a tad careful.

Courtesy: TOI

When a Friendship Goes Sour

When a Friendship Goes Sour

When a close relationship suddenly ceases, there is little to prepare for the fallout and hurt which is attached to this loss. Irrespective as to why it broke down, one of the hardest things is accepting the decision and continuing ones life.

Its common for a seemingly close friendship to suddenly derail due to mis-communication, a misguided comment taken out of context or shifting priorities due to life changes. Very often silence and distance extends until neither side is comfortable to broach the gap, feeling its too late to try and patch things up.
Finding yourself in this situation, you may be experiencing a number of thought.

• Being confused about what has happened
• Blaming yourself with questions such as "Why me?" or defensive statements such as "It's not fair"
• Feelings of insecurity "I'll never find another friend like them ever again." "I am a bad friend - No-one will ever want to be friends with me again."
• Repetitious thoughts or reliving last conversations
• Pre-occupation on small or insignificant details

Should you find yourself in this position, try some of these approaches.

Trust your instincts

Women especially are fine tuned into social contexts and instantly know if there is a disruption in the "happy force". In reality, its never 'too late' - make some sort of contact and test the waters. Trust that what you are feeling, your friend may also be experiencing and that perhaps they are unsure of what or how to reach out to you.

Treating the situation with Kindness.

Be kind to yourself, to those around you and to your distanced friend. Acting and speaking out of anger and hurt may result in things being said that you may regret at a later date. Maintain your grace and approach any situation involving your friend with the highest ethical standards you can manage. You are more likely to attract negative attention and perceptions if you surround yourself with a blame or angry approach when anyone mentions your friends name. If you cannot manage a positive approach, remain neutral until you can react in a more positive way. Resist the temptation to bad mouth your friend. Be gentle on yourself and those around you.

Allow yourself to be emotional.

A close friendship claims a large part of your life and when it is suddenly stopped or ripped away, it is just the same to having ones heart broken. Similar to any major emotional loss, you need to allow time to grieve and come to terms with what has happened. Part of overcoming grief is being given permission to be emotional, cry and rant about what has happened.

Develop Routines.

A close friendship is often intertwined with daily routines. Should this friendship now be over, its important to refocus routines rather than allow them to flounder or lead the way to depression. Set up new or different routines in your life which may allow you to come into contact with a different group of people on a daily basis.

Talk it out - either verbally or non-verbally.

It may not be possible to speak to your friend, but its important that your feelings and unexpressed thoughts are conveyed. Start a private journal or write a letter which will never be sent. You may include good memories or outline some of the acts or events which led up to the break up. This may be a forum to ask forgiveness or asking them to seek forgiveness from you. State the terms - no matter how ludicrous - by which you would accept friendship back. You may choose to keep these written thoughts, or in a symbolic act of release - burn the entire sheaf of papers.

Relaxation

Pamper yourself with a long bath, afternoon spent reading, soaking in the pool, getting a massage or doing yoga. Take time out just for yourself and allow the pent up strain, stress and grief to seep out of your body.

Celebrate the good times.

Make a list, scrap book, collection of photographs or stories focusing on the positive, fun aspects of the friendship. Allow yourself to smile and then allow yourself to say goodbye to that chapter in your life.

Courtesy: Articlebase

Importance of Communication in a Relationship

Communication is a key to any good relation

Every relationship goes through a rough patch once in awhile. It is entirely unavoidable. It is the result of two different people spending a great deal of time together. Eventually, aspects of one's personality will come out that will annoy the other, habits will cause concern, and just simple gestures can turn into a major argument.
When this happens, it does not necessarily mean that the relationship is over. But it does mean that you need to decide to turn your attention to righting what has gone wrong. There are two simple things you can do that will help in solving relationship problems: communicate with your partner and work at making changes.

Communication

The phrase "communication is key" may be somewhat of a cliche at this point, but it is absolutely vital in solving relationship problems. It does not matter how hard you work, what gifts you bring, or what efforts you make if you do not know what is bothering your partner.

Men and women alike can be horrible at this aspect of a relationship, both having a tendency to only hear exactly what they want to hear. Pay attention to the other person's words - not just the gist of what they are saying. Certain wording can give a hint as to deeper problems, and you can often find that what is really needed may not be what has been verbally communicated.

Working on Problems

The other, perhaps harder, part of solving relationship problems is having the willingness to work on those problems. Some want quick fixes - a romantic dinner, a vacation, jewelry - but these are no better than band aids on an open wound. Many times, real, legitimate work is needed.
This is not to say that you should change your personality for your partner, but you do need to be respectful of that person if you wish to remain together. Working on problems can mean anything from starting to help around the house more to attending counseling, but you must do whatever is necessary to address your partner's concerns. If you find yourself unwilling or unable to do this, you should question your commitment to the relationship.

Many problems can be solved simply through better communication and a willingness to work through differences. Making an effort will please most partners, especially if the effort is made relatively early into the problem. While you cannot, and should not, change everything about yourself just to please another person, you should be willing to make sacrifices if you take your relationship seriously.

Just make sure that this process is always a two way street, and many problems can be avoided in the long run.

Courtesy: Articlebase